Another Reason To Be Thankful
November 22, 2019
It was shortly after we were married that my wife and I attempted to host our first Thanksgiving dinner for family and friends. We very much wanted it to go well, perhaps to show our parents that we were capable of handling a holiday ritual on our own, but when the turkey took a full four hours longer to cook than planned, things fell apart. When we finally sat down to dinner at 10 p.m., at least one guest had fallen asleep, another lay on the couch with a stomachache from too many appetizers, and a third was gently reminding us that Domino’s delivered until midnight. After dinner, as I was seeing people out, one of our guests—sensing both my embarrassment and guilt—smiled at me and said, “Perhaps someday it will be pleasant to remember even this.”
My friend was possessed of both a classical education and a terrifically dry sense of humor, and his reference was to Vergil’s epic poem, The Aeneid. The hero Aeneas utters the line in a moment of despair—not at a failed Thanksgiving meal, but as his Trojan fleet’s attempts to escape their destroyed kingdom and find a new land to call home. Things eventually turn out well enough for Aeneas. He and his followers settle on the Italian peninsula, and he becomes a mythical founder of Rome. For my part, it has actually been pretty easy to smile upon that bygone Thanksgiving, and not simply because I laugh at the memory of our friends and relatives gazing longingly at bowls of mashed potatoes and stuffing as we waited for the turkey to roast. In fact, that particular holiday actually helped strengthen in me a new understanding of gratitude which I could not previously articulate.
“That we want to find meaning in significant activity is a blessing; that we can find that meaning even when we are less than perfect is something for which to be truly grateful.”
Thanksgiving is, of course, a time for reflecting upon all the good fortune in our lives. We appropriately count material (food, shelter, clothing) and relational (family, friends) blessings as important; indeed, we’re right to feel grateful, for too many are denied such basic human needs. But we might also express gratitude for something just as fundamental: Our ability to find value in our human activities, whether we’re accomplished at them or not.
That first Thanksgiving at my house was clearly a culinary disaster, but was still a good day, one full of emotional fulfillment. I had the chance to cook dinner for loved ones—and not because I was being paid to do it, or because I was highly skilled at the task, but because I wanted to try to do something nice for people who were dear to me. It was ultimately irrelevant (to me, anyway!) that I cooked so poorly, for it was the very desire to cook well for important people that became the true point of the holiday.
I’m sure that my friends and family would have preferred to eat Thanksgiving dinner at 6 p.m., but I’m just as sure that the thought of gathering together was something that brought us all more joy than a perfectly roasted turkey could have. This recognition serves as a reminder that value is not always the result of performing excellently, but rather can also be found in the simple and sincere pursuit of the valued activity itself. That we want to find meaning in significant activity—practicing an instrument, playing a sport, learning a subject, creating with our hands, giving ourselves in friendship—is a blessing; that we can find that meaning even when we are less than perfect is something for which to be truly grateful.
I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving.