AI and How Boys Learn to Grow
My most memorable lesson on the importance of friction came at 16 when I eagerly commandeered the family station wagon to run an errand on a misty July morning. When I pressed the brakes as I neared the first stop sign, the car hydroplaned into the back of an idling minivan. The other driver jumped out and invited me to consider my idiocy in all its dimensions. It was some time before my parents let me hold the car keys again.
Friction has been on my mind in recent days, as I have been thinking, writing, and speaking on the intersection of AI and the lives of Browning boys. (Editor’s note: watch Dr. Botti’s The Promise and Peril of AI webinar). Supporting our boys as students includes a comprehensive analysis of the academic uses of AI and helps prepare boys for a world in which this technology will be omnipresent. But a larger part of Browning's purpose is supporting our students as boys, and that requires an appreciation of necessary friction in a boy’s life. AI can help students avoid grappling with ideas in the classroom that creates robust understanding and intellectual growth. Outside of the classroom, the risk of the lack of friction for boys may be even greater.
Research has shown that American teens are increasingly turning to AI platforms for companionship—and it is easy to understand why. These systems are responsive, always reachable, and provide both advice and validation without judgment. To those navigating an uneasy adolescence, the simplicity of an AI relationship can feel much safer than interactions with other humans. Beyond the unreality of relationships that are malleable to the human users' preferences, the ability to create illegal intimate images of real people in online interactions has become increasingly easy and presents a uniquely modern form of abuse. The ramifications of these developments are extensive, and Browning will be providing both parent and student education about these dangers next year.
Another arena where friction is notably absent is online gambling. Today, 48% of men aged 18 to 49 are registered with a sports betting site, and it's safe to assume some minors have managed to work around the age restrictions. The hyper-personalization of these sites, powered by AI, enables boys to receive high-energy, playful gambling notifications that align with their social media habits. Gambling doesn’t only go after young men, but young men may be particularly unable to resist the allure of an impulse that can so easily be fulfilled.
Adolescence is also a time of deep identity formation, when boys should be experimenting with who they are in the world by trying out new interests, relationships, and beliefs. AI is there to serve him identities and values that algorithms suggest are popular, expediting a boy’s search for himself in a way that feels smooth and guided by a technological miracle. Adopting the habits of certain online communities may be especially attractive to boys who have internalized societal messages about the importance of self-reliance or invulnerability, and thus don't want to “try on” identities in front of peers and adults who care about them. This separates boys from those who know them “in real life” and can sometimes allow corrosive ideas to take hold.
“It is vital that our boys understand these risks and resist the siren call of outsourcing their thinking, relating, and struggling—the necessary friction of life—to a machine. ”
What is lost when a boy regularly or exclusively chooses an AI-curated life? Just as a boy must experience friction in the classroom to develop academic understanding, so too must he grapple with the realities of real-world encounters to develop his communications skills, his capacity for empathy, his understanding of human relationships, and the strength of his identity. While the promise of frictionless development is appealing, the costs of delegating challenging human interactions to a machine are high. Through friction boys mature—not only as academic learners, but into caring, responsible, purposeful young men who can lead flourishing lives for themselves, and with others.
It is vital that our boys understand these risks and resist the siren call of outsourcing their thinking, relating, and struggling—the necessary friction of life—to a machine. AI does many things very well, but teaching boys how to thrive as humans is not among its greatest skills.